Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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