My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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