OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
