You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
