I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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