So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
