he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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