What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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