Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
