you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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