I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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