I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
