The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
