You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
