is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
