Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
