gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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