you guys were way drunker than both of me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
