Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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