I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
