Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
