I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
