Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
