I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
