don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
