i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So many bounce houses so little time
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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