So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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