That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
