We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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