That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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