How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
