Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
