so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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