Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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