My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
