i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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