both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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