Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
