I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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