I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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