i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
