I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
