can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
