having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
