i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
