We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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