would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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