he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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