Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
