So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
