the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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