are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
