Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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