And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
