don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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