So many bounce houses so little time
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
