420 ftw
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
